Now to move on. I've finally setup a list of goals for myself. There is a couple things lately that have been going on in my life that I'm ready to move past. Knowledge is great, but it's been wisdom and experiences that I've found to be the most propelling force in my life. Even the bad ones.
I live a life with little limitations, I've indulged in many things. Paid for sex, abused and used drugs and alcohol. But I am past the shame of these experiences and I've found them to be enlightening.
I consider myself a scientist and I've reached an Epiphany about drugs. They have things to teach us, mentally and psychologically I've explored and opened my mind. I've learned to be more social, to speak my mind. I've let out repressed feelings. But I've also taken it too far. I've said and done things I shouldn't.
Anyways, I'm taking the Good that I learned from them and learning to reach those mental states without the use of drugs or alcohol. I've already seen the same pattern in every substance I've ever found to be enlightening.
I'm glad hallucinogenics stimulated my mind and my imagination. But I don't need to drop LSD, eat mushrooms every single day or ever again to open my mind, get outside of myself, get outside of the influences of society, television and my peers.
I'm glad stimulates such as cocaine have taught me to write and think more critically, but I don't need to do blow every day or ever again to reach that mental state. Sigmund Frued saw the power it had for the psyche, but he too realised that in the end over indulging in any substance always leads to the same result.
And I'm glad that the Benzos, Klonopins, Xanax & Ativan taught me to be more relaxed, open, to stress less, and to say what comes to my mind. Alcohol a lighter affect, but to also do these things and in the end to be more social. But I don't need any of these things to achieve these effects, they simply were a tool, a key to unlocking a part of myself that was repressed. And indulging in drugs and or alcohol at first may help bring out these characteristics, but they also give the person something that isn't a part of them. They have their own psyche.
So it is time to start working my 3 or 4 books on meditation. With a sober mind and learn to channel the things I've learned, but still have my limits, my psyche, my thoughts and my control in tact.
As for prostitution, that's a whole different subject. My thoughts on the matter is that I see no reason why it should be illegal and I find it to be more honest than most relationships I've seen. The persons involved know exactly what it is they are paying for, they know the relationship and where it stands. The communication is crystal clear. There are some of course who are delusional and many do fall in love with strippers and prostitutes. But if sex is all that you are after from a person, it is the most honest and fair relationship I know.
Now as for those seeking more and relationships that extend past sexual pleasure, it takes a lot of time and hard work. It also takes finding the right person. The insanity we've all experienced of trying to make someone into the person we want them to be, rather than finding the characteristics in another individual is real.
Relationships in general are the hardest thing for me, because in order to have a relationship with someone, be it friendship or whatever you have to relate to them. There has to be a connection. And that connection has to be stronger than a person's pride, ego and if it revolves around sex, drugs and or alcohol it is not a real connection at all.
The people that I've stayed in touch with and I am connected to are the ones who we've found common ground in things that are solid. Music for instance, anyone who shares my passion and love for music, well we've touched a very important common ground. Art in general. Movies. Hardship. Poverty. Real life issues. Fuck mainstream politics and fuck mainstream religion. But I am all for spirituality and I especially love opinions, those are the only politics that get me. Don't get me wrong though, ever person is entitled to their own system and set of beliefs and these are mine. This is my religion.